One of the best applications of storytelling skills is for changing people’s minds.
Normally, when we think of this term, we think of persuasion, convincing, causing someone to change their opinions. And changing their minds is a great term because we LITERALLY need to change the fabric of their mind.
When in the midst of a conversation where we are trying to persuade someone, the focus of conversation will lay in the following areas:
- The SAFE Zone
- The DANGER Zone
The SAFE Zone includes things the other person finds:
- Familiar
- Understandable
- Agreeable
- Acceptable
- Believable
- Doable
- Achieveable
The way to tell if we are in the safe Zone or not is by looking at their head. When they nod their head a lot, we’re basically in the safe zone.
If what we want to persuade them on falls within their safe zone, then persuasion will be extremely easy.
But all too often it is not. Generally speaking, the reason we need to persuade someone, is because the thing we want to persuade them on, does not lie in their safe zone. It lies in the DANGER Zone.
Naturally, the DANGER Zone is quite the opposite of the SAFE Zone. The DANGER Zone is things the other person finds:
- Unfamiliar
- Not Understandable
- Disagreeable
- Unacceptable
- Unbelievable
- Not Doable
- Unachieveable
Once we approach the DANGER Zone, reason falls to pieces. Every reason we share with them to justify things on the list above becomes a threat to their safety. If you’ve been following my blog so far, you’ll understand why. If not, then I explain in the following two posts :
Venturing into the Unknown
Precious Glass Models
Whilst approaching the DANGER Zone, and especially once we’re in it, we need to tread with caution. We can no longer be a persuader. We must now be a mentor, guiding them through an alien world. They know nothing about this world, and to them it is full of danger.
Alien Planet Mentor
Imagine you have crashlanded on an alien planet.
There is no one else on your ship, only you. As you regain consciousness, you stare out the window and notice the nose of your spaceship buried in the dust.
This is a completely unfamiliar planet. It’s red, dusty and rocky. The sky is a yellow, hazy kind of colour. Is it safe to get out of your spaceship? Will you be able to breathe?
Then suddenly, you see a person in a space suit approaching your ship.
As they get to only a few feet in front of your window, they take their helmet off. It’s a very calm looking man who offers you a warm smile. He takes a deep breath in, and calmly breathes out, then looks at you as if to see “It’s safe to breathe”. He then motions for you to step out of your spaceship.
Warmth and Credibility
You can only encourage them to enter the danger zone when you have established Warmth and Credibility.
The Alient Planet Mentor looks exactly like you. He’s exactly the same species as you. He’s not an alien. He’s familiar. The more familiar we are with people, the more we can understand and trust them.
There are many ways you can come across as familiar with the people you’re trying to persuade. You can:
- Dress the same
- Act the same
- Speak the same language
- Care about the same things
- Be interested in the same things
- Talk about the same things
And so on
People like people like them. If they talk fast, and you talk slow, that creates distance. If they love football, and you tell them you hate football, that creates distance. If they’re dressed in shorts and sandals, and you’re dressed in a suit and tie, that creates distance. If you talk slower, show an interest in football, and dress more casually, this will all help to bridge that distance.
Furthermore, before asking you to come out of the spaceship and test the air for yourself, he takes off his helmet and breathes the alien air in front of your very eyes. This is him showing you he’s not trying to hurt you. He’s not going to ask you to do anything he wouldn’t do himself.
This is another aspect of establishing warmth; showing them you care about their interests, that you wouldn’t possibly do anything to hurt them.
If you’re trying to sell insurance to someone who clearly needs it, but doesn’t think they need it, then you can’t push them. The more you push them, the less warmth you’ll have and the more of a threat you’ll be.
You need to show your care for their needs. They need time to think. They need to save money. But they also need to be insured in case of an emergency, they just may not have realised that need.
So start by showing care for the needs they are aware of. Give them time to think. Let them know you can help them find the very cheapest options as well.
Letting them decide for themselves, is the ultimate sign of care. It shows you respect their autonomy. No one is going to appreciate it if you push them off the diving board and into the deep end. But if you help them overcome all the mental barriers they face, and let them choose to do it, they’ll be thankful for helping them grow.
This mentor also clearly has credibility. They appear calm, which suggests they are no stranger to this alien planet. They must know it well. So they must be able to guide you safely.
The way to test someone’s credibility is to ask them difficult questions. You know you’ve hit upon a difficult question when they cannot answer immediately. It’s not a question they’ve been asked before, they don’t have a ready made answer that’s been rehearsed over and over again. Now they have to think.
What they have to think about, and how they think, can tell you a lot about their credibility. Do they contradict themselves? Do they struggle to answer questions that a credible person would be able to answer? Do they start to sweat, breathe faster, scratch their head and look around nervously? Do they try hard to steer the conversation back to their safe zone? Do they focus more on persuading you, than trying to manage your question?
Or do they remain calm, and take their time to think? Are they honest about what they know and what they don’t know? Do they focus more on doing what they can to help you, than trying to avoid your difficult question?
A key to establishing credibility in the danger zone, is to stay calm, and keep your focus on helping them. Keep doing this, and they will feel more at ease following you.
Coaching Them Into the Danger Zone
One of the biggest benefits of entering into the danger zone is that it helps people grow. When you persuade with the intent of helping them grow, you are truly helping them.
The economy is based on help. People only pay for goods and services because they believe it will help them in some way. Even if you are a salesperson and in all honesty just want to hit your targets, your job is still to help people. Changing their minds by guiding them into the Danger Zone helps expand their minds.
Invest your time into establishing warmth and credibility. Become a familiar face. Be like them. Show you prioritise their interests. Stay calm and focus on helping them.
And when you have established warmth and credibility, help them overcome each of these danger zone obstacles in the ways listed below:
- Unfamiliar – Use Analogies and familiar language
- Not Understandable – Give Examples, Use Analogies, Break into Steps
- Disagreeable – Share Similar Opinions, Statements, Conclusions
- Unacceptable – Show Benefits, Offer Support, Provide Solutions, Give Options
- Unbelievable – Provide Evidence
- Not Doable – Make Easier, Suggest Alternatives, Offer Support
- Unachievable – Encourage, Praise, Give Recognition, Give
