If you’ve been following my writing so far, then you’ll have probably conclucded that there’s a bit more to storytelling than just spinning tales.
Stories Are the Fabric of the Mind
Our brains exist as grey blobs locked inside dark skulls. Whilst we perceive reality through our brains, our brains are separated from reality. The only way they can navigate reality is by receiving signals from our senses about the world around us, and then project a representation of this onto our minds.
Through experience, we learn that apples are sweet, that feeling in my stomach means hunger, and the sofa is over there. Our brains use their incredible processing power to collect data from a variety of sources both from inside the body and from the big wide world outside, and then find patterns. We then use those patterns to create maps of the world to help us navigate it.
We prefer our maps to be accurate. When our maps are accurate, we know how to find those delicious apples, how to satisfy that feeling of hunger, and how to use the sofa to help us rejuvinate. Accurate maps help us to stay alive.
Every so often though, we discover our maps have errors. They’re only maps after all. They’re not reality itself. So they can’t possibly represent everything about reality.
When we discover errors, our initial reaction is to ignore them. Maybe they’re not a big deal. It’s easier to ignore them than it is to resolve them.
But every so often our maps become useless, rendering us unable to adequately navigate the world, so we have to update them. Sometimes that takes a lot of effort, and pain, as we use a faulty map to navigate a world that punishes us for our mistakes. But through enough punishment, and reward, we reformulate our maps and regain control of the world around us (assuming we managed to survive that is).
That, is the essence of the fabric of the mind. When we talk of stories, we talk of that fabric.
Whilst the detailed, complex and expansive nature of that fabric is unique to us humans, there is also something else about it that makes us stand out.
We can connect our minds to one another.
Language and symbols are the threads that connect minds. As I exhale and manipulate my larnyx, pharynx tongue and mouth, I cause soundwaves to travel to your ears. As I sit here typing these words, this causes digits to appear on your computer screen in specific arrangements. Your brain, at an incredible speed, references those soundwaves and visual data against a library of meaning you have acquired through experience. It uses knowledge of symbols and syntax to decipher the meaning of the phrases I just created. And then it spins those threads into the fabric of your mind. At this very moment, our minds are one.
And it is through this merging of minds that we have been able to create probably our most powerful tool of survival; culture.
A Story of Two Births
Two years ago, my first son was born at the wonderful United Family Health hospital in Shanghai. We were fortunate enough to have maternity coverage that enabled us to welcome our first son to the world at one of the best hospitals in Shanghai.
From the moment we entered the hospital, my wife was greeted with a wheelchair, and wheeled to a private room with her own dedicated nurse. Every question and every concern was greeted with warmth, kindness and support. Even I, the useless husband who’s only responsibilitiy was to say encouraging words as my wife went through the most painful experience of her life, was offered an extremely comfortable sofa bed to sleep on.
Every moment of that experience was a joy, with the culmination being holding my first son in my arms.
My son, now 2 years old, is now an older brother.
Just several days ago, my wife gave birth to our second son. I got to relive that special moment of holding my newborn son in my arms and welcoming him to the world.
The hospital experience was completely different though. This time, we didn’t have maternity coverage, and due to the impact of Covid-19 we were only able to afford delivery at a cheap, local hospital, with many restrictions.
From the moment we entered the hospital, my wife, in the midst of painful contractions, was required to wait a few moments for me to complete the bureaucratic transactions before she was permitted to see a cold, stone faced doctor.
We were both required to have an extremely painful Covid-19 nasal and throat swab test. Whilst my experience was painful, my wife had go through exactly the same pain, whilst in the midst of contractions, all from another cold and stone faced doctor.
When we were finally allowed upstairs to our room, which we shared with 3 other couples/new families, my wife was required to stay in bed in a fixed position. Every so often the nurse would come in, shoot her firey eyes at my wife, and tell her off for changing position.
In the lead up to delivery, my wife was taken into the delivery section, where I was not allowed to go. We were separated for 6 hours. My wife, all alone, not yet allowed to have her epidural, going through some of the most intense pain of her life, about to deliver her newborn son.
Eventually I was allowed in, just as my wife was finally able to give birth. The doctors in this section were completely different. They were kind, and extremely professional. My son was born. We were both happy, especially my wife who had the relief of finally not having to hold a human being in her belly anymore. We got to hold him, hug him and kiss him and tell him how great we wanted to make his life.
Then our son was taken away from us for observation and vaccination. No questions allowed, in came the nurses and took him away. We weren’t reunited with him for a few more hours (thankfully though, he was fine).
Apart from a few of the nurses and doctors in the delivery room, every interaction I had with the nurses and doctors in this hospital left me infuriated. They were cold, rude, and almost seemed to enjoy saying “No” and telling us off.
Yet as I looked around me at the Chinese patients at this hospital, none of them were complaining. They were patiently and considerately following instructions. My wife included. They tolerated the hospital staff, and did not complain. In fact, during my time there, I was the only one I heard mutter any kind of complaint.
The fabric of my mind had just been ripped. One of the happiest moments of my life, I allowed to be disrupted by my lack of tolerance. Whilst all around me, people chose to be tolerant, so they could enjoy one of the happiest moments of their lives.
Mental Programming
Geert Hofstede, a famous Dutch social psychologist and expert on cross-cultural groups and organisations, defined culture as Mental Programming.
“Every person carries within him- or herself patterns of thinking, feeling, and potential acting that were learned throughout the person’s lifetime. Much of it was acquired in early childhood, because at that time a person is most susceptible to learning and assimilating. As soon as certain patterns terns of thinking, feeling, and acting have established themselves within a person’s mind, lie or she must unlearn these patterns before being able to learn something different, and unlearning is more difficult than learning for the first time.”
Geert Hofstede;Gert Jan Hofstede. Cultures and Organizations: Software for the Mind.
What I observed in that second hospital, was a difference in mental programming. My patterns of thinking, feeling and acting, were different to those of the people around me. I thought that staff in a hospital welcoming babies to the world, should be more considerate. The people around me thought differently.
I have lived in China for 13 years. My wife, who I have been with for 11 of those years, is Chinese. I have spoken Chinese every day I’ve lived here. I have changed so much from the 21 year old that stepped foot off that plane all those years ago. But even to this day, I still find I have patterns of thinking, feeling and acting, that have not changed.
The Layers of Culture – The Heart of the Onion – Values
Hofstede describes the structure of culture as being like an onion made up of several layers.
At the very core of any culture is a set of values.
All organisms share the same two basic drives; approach and avoid. Approach that apple, avoid that snake. Approach rest, avoid exertion. Approach social acceptance, avoid social rejection.
Values are an extension of approach and avoid. The groups we spend most of the time surrounded by when growing up (for most people, that will be family), tell us what we should approach and avoid.
Aborigines lived in the arid regions of Australia, with scarce food resources. With scarce food resources, survival is complicated, and this influences what the tribe deems worth approaching and avoiding, or in other words, their values:
“Scarce food leads to low population densities, which poses a threat to genetic fitness. Splitting of groups or migration of couples away from the group would thus be hazardous, since it lowers population size even further. As a result, there is little leeway for interpersonal conflict. In aboriginal regions traditional society was characterized acterized by strict land rights, game rights, and marriage prescriptions. Elder men held sway. They allocated marriage partners. Girls were married ried at puberty, while men normally married at around the age of thirty, after spending many years in a life of male rituals, some of them quite painful, ful, which created solidarity. Status had to be achieved through individual merit. Rituals and, in general, all activities that support the spiritual life of the community are described as “drealntirne”; we might also speak of religion. An intense, rewarding dreamtime could compensate for harshness of circumstances, and its bonding rituals could keep a secondary group united. Among males, dreamtime performance was essential. Dreamtime secrets were divulged by older men only to those younger ones who had proved their worth.
Extramarital sex would occur, some of it in communal ritual. A way to avoid the allocation of partners was elopement, if violent passion was involved. Women were disempowered early in life by having to move to another group and live with an older man at puberty. Then again, older men frequently died first, and their widows could remarry with younger men and achieve status by guiding the younger wives of those men. Yet they remained the subservient gender and would occasionally be beaten into compliance.”
Geert Hofstede;Gert Jan Hofstede. Cultures and Organizations: Software for the Mind.
Interestingly, an African tribe called Mbuti, lived in much more favorable conditions, which resulted in a very different set of values and behaviours. The Mbuti did not have to worry about extreme climate and food scarcity, and as a result, in comparison to the Aborigines, their values, and resulting culture, was very different:
“For instance, the roles of the sexes were deemed to some extent to be interchangeable and undifferentiated. Discipline was exerted not through heavy punishment but through ridicule. Mixed marriages riages from different primary groups were tolerated, and in the case of noncompatibilities of temper, people could migrate to another group. Sexual infidelity by either husband or wife was not a contentious issue. So, society was permissive, but this liberty did not include permission to boast. The most able group members were expected to disguise their adroitness, so as to avoid creating jealousy. In conclusion, among the Mbuti the moral circle was every group member’s responsibility, and it was live and let live.”
Geert Hofstede;Gert Jan Hofstede. Cultures and Organizations: Software for the Mind.
Our childhood experiences determine a lot about what we value. Education we receive from our family, school and peers, intentionally and unconsciously has a direct influence on what we value today. And these experiences influence our values through encouragement and discouragement.
I remember when I was growing up, all sorts of experiences that caused me to value consideration. I was told off for throwing litter on the ground, calling other children names, or taking things without permission, all discouragers. I was encouraged, and praised, for clearing up after myself, being nice to other children, and asking for permission. These probably caused me to value consideration of others.
Convserely, I was never encouraged to show tolerance for people who showed little consideration of others. When encountering people who were untidy, rude, or broke the rules, I did not experience behaviours that tried to empathise with their reasons for behaving in such ways. Most of the time, the people around me (mostly family members) would complain, criticise and gossip about such people.
Chinese culture, from my observations, seems to value tolerance over consideration. This does not mean I think Chinese people are inconsiderate. In some contexts, especially with family members, close colleagues and friends, I see a lot of extremely considerate behaviour. In fact, in those contexts, I find the Chinese to be even more considerate than people from my home country.
But in certain contexts, e.g. for strangers and for people of a lower hierarchical position, I observe very little consideration. Almost everyday I encounter queue jumping, “invasions” of personal space, and loud noises. Whilst this behaviour tends to infuriate me even to this day, I notice that the Chinese people around me are more tolerant of it.
And it is probably not a case of being encouraged to tolerate these behaviours. In China, once you get outside of a social circle, these behaviours are part of everyday life. If you didn’t tolerate them, you’d get exhausted very quickly, much like I did in my early days of living in China.
Reinforcing Values
Approach and avoid, the extensions of values, are made up of several layers.
When we get what we want, e.g. that sweet, juicy apple, we feel pleasure. When we get what we don’t want, e.g. a bite from a snake, we feel pain.
As we get closer to what we want, we feel hope. That feeling of the sweet, juicy apple being within arms reach, knowing that in just a moment it can be in my mouth. And as we get closer to what we don’t want, we feel fear. That feeling of our heart jumping as we see a snake about to launch at us.
These feelings are internal drives, normally known as intrinsic motivation. But we also have external drives, known as extrinsic motivation. Those drives are social acceptance and social rejection.
Instinctively, we are still a tribal species. Our hunter-gatherer ancestors needed to work together to survive in the natural world. By working together, they could hunt animals and gather other resources, and organise themselves in ways that optimised their survival.
In those days, if you wanted to survive, you needed to be accepted by the group. Conversely, if you were rejected, you would probably die.
And coming back to culture, it is basically social acceptance, and social rejection, that reinforce a culture’s values.
If I were to complain openly in that Chinese hospital, I would very quickly be rejected, and probably have my status lowered by all the other people around me. That would have been humiliating. My wife may even get worse treatment, which could have been dangerous. If instead, I behaved like everyone else by keeping quiet and following the instructions, then I would have been accepted.
In England, a classic example is queueing. You are expected to queue and be considerate of other people when queueing. The moment someone jumps the queue, or takes up too much time and keeps other people waiting too long, then the inevitable “Tsk tsk tsk” of rejection will emanate from the people behind.
Hofstede labels this mechanism as rituals. Some rituals, such as those described above, are pretty simple. Others, are more complex.
In the early days of my career, I worked a corporate role for a multinational company here in Shanghai. I was the only foreigner in the Shanghai office, and it was a deep immersion into Chinese business culture.
One of the most striking experiences was the annual report.
The Vice President flew in from Taiwan for this annual ritual. As his car was nearing the building, a network of messengers would keep each other informed about his approach. Hosts were then sent down to the lobby to receive him, take his suitcase, and escort him to the elevator.
As the elevator doors opened, two lines either side consisting of every single staff member in the Shanghai office, including myself, were waiting to greet him. He smiled and walked past us as if we were statues.
Then, finally, at 8am, we entered the meeting room. The Vice President sat at the head of the table, and only when he had sat down could anyone else sit down.
The entire meeting was dictated by him. He would let each team know when it was their time to present. He would let them know when their time was up. He would ask questions, they would only answer questions.
This went on for 12 hours.
What was the purpose of this annual report meeting? I doubt it was to keep the Vice President updated about what everyone had been working on. It was more a ritual to reinforce his status, and the group’s respect for his status.
Heroes
Rituals are designed, probably unconsciously, to reinforce the group’s values. When we follow the ritual, we gain acceptance from the group.
But even with acceptance, this does not mean we are equal. Within the group there are hierarchies. And instinctively, we prefer to be higher up than lower down.
Sports stars are great examples. They are literal heroes. They are part of their team’s tribe, which is made up of the team, the coaches and the fans.
A football player, playing for their national team, in a world cup final, and scoring a goal, becomes an instant hero. They eptiomise the values of loyalty, passion, skill and hard work. In that moment, there is no single person in that tribe who has a higher status than them.
Then there are the football players who get distracted by social media, hairstyles and creating their own clothing brands. As soon as their performance on the pitch suffers, their status plummets. Their status is not even equal to the fans.
This is humiliation. Psychologists define humiliation as the removal of any ability to claim status.
It’s better to be a hero, than to be humiliated.
Symbols
Values lie at the core of culture, and as such are invisible. Rituals are layered on top of values, and are visible, although not always decipherable. Layered on top of rituals, are heroes. It becomes pretty clear who is celebrated as a hero, even to an outsider.
The outer most layer, according to Hofstede, is symbols. These could be words, pictures, clothing, flags, status symbols and so on. These are the most visible layer of a culture, but also the most superficial.
Like those lists of words hanging on corporate office walls all around the world that we call “Our Corporate Values”. These are not values, they are merely symbols.
Symbols mean absolutely nothing without an interconnected foundation of heroes and rituals to reinforce core values.
Like Westerners who get tattoos in Chinese characters without knowing the meaning of them, or Chinese people who wear clothes with strange English phrases printed on them, again without knowing the meaning of them. There is zero culture here.
Building Your Business Culture
Several years ago, I started getting approached for storytelling training from various companies. But I couldn’t understand why. And everytime I asked those HR Managers who kept approaching me why they wanted storytelling, it became pretty clear that even they didn’t know why. Storytelling was just a buzz word, a symbol, that didn’t really mean anything, other than wanting to keep up with the latest trends.
I saw trainer, after trainer, after trainer, start riding the waves of this trend. They’d go in and talk to engineers about the hero’s journey. Why would an engineer need to know about the hero’s journey? Feedback was always “Interesting, but useless”.
It’s only now that I understand the REAL value storytelling offers to the business world.
It’s not about telling fancy war stories of your career. Nor is about turning boring facts and data into something interesting.
The REAL value of storytelling is in creating REAL cultures.
Stories are the fabric of the mind. And cultures, are a network of fabrics all woven together. When you can understand the fabric of the mind, you can understand how to weave minds together.
If you are a leader, then do the following:
- Get clear on what values your team needs to share to achieve your business goals
- Get clear on what behaviours, thoughts and feelings demonstrate commitment to those values
- Encourage people everytime they show those behaviours, thoughts and feelings. And everytime they show behaviours, thoughts and feelings in conflict with those values, discourage those people
- INTENTIONALLY design rituals to help the group reinforce those values
- INTENTIONALLY celebrate heroes of those values, capture their successes in stories to share at opportune moments
- INTENTIONALLY create symbols to represent those values and help elevate the status of your heroes
- Repeat steps 1-6
Entertainers tell stories. Leaders weave cultures. The best leaders do both.
References
Geert Hofstede;Gert Jan Hofstede. Cultures and Organizations: Software for the Mind
Storr, Will. The Science of Storytelling: Why Stories Make Us Human, and How to Tell Them Better. HarperCollins Publishers.
