Whenever I run a training session, one of the first things I do is ask people why they have joined this training. I find there are typically two types of answers.
One answer is because someone else told them to attend this training. Their boss told them to go. They have a KPI to attend a certain number of training days. This training is a compulsory requirement for the work they’re doing.
Another answer is because they chose to. They’re facing a big challenge and want some ideas on how to overcome it. They’re trying to achieve a goal and want some help in achieving it. They’re trying to get better in a certain area and want to figure out how to get better.
Guess which group of people are more engaged in my training?
Yes, the one’s who want to be there. They pay attention, they involve themselves in all discussions and activities, they take notes and ask questions.
The first group leave me exhausted. They don’t want to be there. Nothing grabs their attention, other than shiny stories and pointless games. They challenge me, they disrupt everyone, and just stare at their phones.
In my early days as a trainer, I thought it was my responsibility to win over that first group with my charisma. I’d either sweet talk them, or challenge them. But it never worked.
Eventually I figured out the best way of dealing with them. It was pretty obvious, but my delusions of being able to win them over completely distracted me from it. The answer was to say the following at the beginning of the training:
“If you don’t want to be here, if this training isn’t for you, if you have more important things to be doing, then I completely understand and you can leave. Really, I won’t be offended, and I won’t tell anyone. I don’t want to waste your time.”
When I started saying this, people’s attitudes towards me changed. Occasionally people would step out when they needed to, but surprisingly some of the more reluctant ones became a lot more open minded and stayed to see what they could get from the training. My life became a lot easier!
Without realising it, I’d stumbled upon the principle of Autonomy.
Autonomy
When people believe they are in control, they relax. They experience more positive feelings, they become more open minded, and they are a lot easier to persuade.
Conversely, when people believe they are not in control, they tense. They experience more anxiety, their thinking becomes more restricted, and they focus only on taking action to regain control.
This is why slaves need to be kept under lock and chain 24/7. Because, who wants to be a slave? The only thing they want is to regain control. It’s much easier to manage someone who is in control, because they’re free to focus on the work as opposed to escaping it.
The key to making someone feel in control is to, well, give them control!
For example, you are a manager delegating a task to an employee. Any task has 4 essential components that I call Delegatables:
1. The Why – The reasons for doing the task.
2. The What – The outcome and output of the task.
3. The How – The way of doing the task.
4. The When – The milestones and deadline of the task.
If you dictate the Why, What, How and When to this employee, then they have zero control. But the more of these delegatables you can let them decide for themselves, then the more control they will have, and consequently the more ownership they will feel.
In reality, in big companies especially, it’s rarely practical to let employee’s decide every one of these components. In reality, you may be able to let them decide one or two. But still, one or two is better than none.
For example, you are the General Manager of a small company, and one day you sit down with the HR Manager and explain that you want to delegate the task of arranging the redecorating of the office to them.
Why redecorate? Because it’s been a long time since the office was last decorated. Some staff members have complained that it’s not a nice place to work in. Some are even too embarrassed to bring customers to visit. These reasons probably align with what the HR Manager cares about too, but you could still ask them if they can see any other good reason to decorate the office.
What is the outcome of redecorating the office? As the General Manager, you may have a few ideas of what you’d like to see. But you recognise it’s more about satisfying the staff and customers. So you share your ideas, suggest they do a survey to find out about everyone else’s expectations, but also ask the HR Manager what they would like to see too.
How to redecorate? You just decide to completely leave that up to them. You don’t even have a budget in mind. You ask them to come up with a plan and then meet with you in the next few weeks to discuss more.
And when to redecorate? You also decide to leave that up to them as well.
Of course, the HR Manager may have zero interest in this project. If that’s the case, it would be best to find someone else. But if they do have an interest, then you’ve pretty much given ownership of all 4 Delegatables to them, and they are like to be very motivated by this project.
I work with a lot of managers who complain that their staff show no initiative. They refuse to do things outside of their job description. They don’t consider the big picture and the impact on the business. They don’t take action to prevent problems arising further up the value chain.
“Why can’t they just take more ownership?” these managers ask me. The answer is quite simple:
“It’s because these problems don’t belong to them, they belong to you”.
When people don’t feel the pleasure or pain of something, they won’t care. Why should they?
The simplest way to get people to take ownership is to give them more control over their work. When this office redecoration project is their baby, they will feel the pleasure and pain of it. When things don’t go according to plan, when staff aren’t happy with it, when it goes over budget, they will feel the pain of that. And when it exceeds everyone’s expectations, people praise them for a good job, and it was all kept within budget, they will feel the pleasure of that.
“What do you think of that?”
This is one of the most powerful phrases I have discovered in my line of work. It is a simple way of increasing people’s autonomy.
When I am coaching people and they ask me for my feedback or advice, I will give it. But sometimes in the past I would discover people would completely reject everything I said and start challenging me back.
“But you asked me for it?” I thought to myself! Why would people react in such a way?
It’s because of the language I used. I used phrases like; “You need to…”, “You should…”, “You’ve got to…”.
This kind of language makes people feel that I am trying to take away their autonomy. It feels like I am telling them what to do.
So after some reflection, I decided to change how I phrased things. Instead of giving advice, I offered suggestions.
I used phrases like; “I’m wondering if…”, “From what I can see…”, “It seems like…”.
And then I would finish off with one key phrase: “What do you think of that?”.
“What do you think of that?” is the strongest signal you can possibly give, after giving a suggestion, that you are not trying to take away their autonomy. You are instead trying to exchange your way of seeing things with their way of seeing things and find common ground. You are no longer dictating, you are simply sharing.
I’ve found this works equally well in client meetings. Whenever we are discussing a training project, I will spend a long time first asking them questions about what they hope the training can help with. Then, I will share some suggestions and finish off with “What do you think of that?”.
I find clients will very honestly, and respectfully, share with me their opinions after asking that question. Normally they are a lot more accepting of my suggestions when using this question. And for the times when they don’t like my suggestions, they calmly and politely explain why, and offer me alternative suggestions in return. I find this kind of dialogue is, frankly, far more enjoyable than a pushy argument! It’s a lot more constructive as well.
Provide an Exit Plan
This is another way of giving people more control. We typically see it with any kind of subscription service.
If you don’t like the service, then you can unsubscribe any time, or get a refund within the first 30 days.
From a business viewpoint, this seems like a risky strategy. A customer uses your service, and might not even pay you for it! But actually, it is not in the slightest bit risky. Because firstly, it allows customers a chance to experience your service and decide if it’s really for them or not, but more importantly, secondly, it allows customers to feel an increased sense of autonomy.
When purchasing something with no escape plan, no chance of unsubscribing or getting a refund, customers have to think a lot more. There is a lot more risk involved in such a decision. They have no way of knowing for sure if they are making the right decision, and then once they’ve made the decision if it’s the wrong decision then they can’t get out of it.
Exit plans are such powerful tools of persuasion that in 1613 the lack of an exit plan persuaded one man, William Adams, to sacrifice his only opportunity at getting the one thing he had wanted desperately for over a decade.
In the year 1600, after a disastrous trading expedition to South America, the British sailor William Adams and 23 other sick and dying men, out of an original crew of 100, dropped the anchor of their Dutch trading ship the Liefde off the island of Kyūshū, Japan. They had been at sea for 19 months, including a 5 month crossing of the Pacific Ocean with minimal supplies and a severely malnourished crew.
William Adams and the remaining crew did not receive a warm reception when they first landed in Japan. Their ship was seized and they were imprisoned at Osaka Castle on orders by Tokugawa Ieyasu, the feudal lord of Edo and future Shōgun.
During this time, Adams made a great impression on Ieyasu, and was granted his freedom. Furthermore, Ieyasu came to trust him greatly, and eventually made him a Samurai.
Adams went a whole 13 years without making contact with any other Englishmen. He did encounter Portuguese jesuits as well as Spanish and Dutch traders. But for those 13 years, he was the only Englishman he would know.
Adams did the only thing he could, which was to completely adapt to life in Japan. He established a large network of relationships with highly influential officials and merchants. He was even granted land and a Japanese wife.
But throughout this whole time, he missed home greatly. He had a wife and daughter that he had left back in England, and was desperate to reunite with them. He was painfully homesick.
In 1613, he was finally granted an opportunity when Captain John Sarris arrived in his ship the Clove to establish a trading factory for the British East India company. This was Adams’ ticket back home.
Adams acted as a translator and go-between for Sarris and Japanese officials, and played an essential role in helping Sarris establish a trading post in Japan.
But Adams had, essentially, gone local. He dressed and behaved just like a local Japanese. Sarris did not like this, and the two of them did not get on well at all. Adams also did not like Sarris. He was shocked by how disrespectful Sarris was of local customs, and questioned the decisions he made about where to locate his trading post.
Their relationship grew extremely poor. So poor that Adams was gravely concerned by the prospect of spending several years onboard the same ship as Sarris as they sailed back to England. Once they set sail, he would have no way of escaping Sarris.
Furthermore, on return to England, Adams would not be left with much in his possession. He had property, important work, a family, and power in Japan. In England, despite having a lonely wife and daughter, he had not much else. If Adams left Japan, he would not be able to return.
Adams decided to stay in Japan. When offered the only thing he had wanted desperately for over a decade, a chance to reunite with his wife and daughter, he had to turn it down, because he stood to lose so much without being able to regain it all. Essentially, he didn’t have an escape plan.
Adams would never return to England, and never again see his wife or daughter. He lived the rest of his days in Japan, and passed away in 1620. Perhaps, if he had the option to return to Japan, an escape plan, then he would have reunited with his wife and daughter and returned home.
Give People Control
The principle of autonomy is simple, give people control. It’s an extremely effective way of persuading people, and in my opinion, far more powerful than the push principle. All you have to do is:
- Give people choice
- Ask for their perspective
- Provide an exit plan
References:
Milton, Giles. Samurai William: The Adventurer Who Unlocked Japan . John Murray Press.
